Couples come to therapy for a myriad of reasons. But often, the real reason why they’re showing up is the thing hidden underneath their reasons. The solution is nearly always found in holding a magnifying lens up in those moments of conflict and, as this week’s guest Shake Birkel says, “owning our shit”. Suddenly, “Why is he/she doing this to me?” shifts into an opportunity to sit with our emotions and recalibrate our connections.
Shane Birkel, a therapist and fellow podcaster, is no stranger to these magnifying glass moments. Together, we discuss the ways raising kids can shift a relationship in positive ways, the lessons we get from failure, the differences in what men want in a relationship and what women want from the same, and the palpable ripple effects of the #metoo movement in our work with couples and intimacy.
Quoted in the Episode:
“We don’t have the conversations that come up in couples therapy in our day-to-day lives. We have to be very intentional about setting up space for that.” - Shane Birkel
“Couples put so much pressure on perfection and on not trying hard enough. And such an important part of the work of owning your own stuff is also building a healthy self-esteem that comes from within you. That I feel confident in myself as a human being, that my partner can act like a jerk and I know that it doesn’t have to do with me. They still love and care about me and we don’t have to do this perfectly every single time.” - Shane Birkel
“Vulnerability has such different meanings for men and women. For women, it’s a connection point. For men, it’s often veiled in fear and the possibility of rejection. And I think as we’re opening up these conversations and saying to couples, ‘The antidote here is to become more vulnerable’, we have to understand that the very prescription has different meanings for people who are enculturated in different ways.” - Rebecca Wong
Resources Referenced in this Episode:
Where to find Shane:
If you're interested in working with Rebecca Wong, you can find out more about her services here:
1. If you're in New York and would like to schedule a relationship therapy session start here: https://connectfulness.com/therapy/
2. If you're a therapist and are interested in mentorship with Rebecca, find out more about services offered here: https://www.practiceofbeingseen.com/work-with-rebecca/
3. To learn more about Rebecca’s Private Couples Intensive Retreats, start here: https://connectfulness.com/intensive-private-retreat/
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