I can say that with absolute certainty even if we’ve never met.
It’s not because I know you’re a dedicated, curious therapist dedicated to the growth of your clients, your practice, and yourself. It’s not because I want to flatter you. It’s not because I like to throw around big, loaded words like “expert.”
You’re a relationship expert because everyone is a relationship expert. Or at least everyone has the potential to be one.
How can something like “expertise” - something so prized and difficult to obtain - be something that everyone can have?
Because it’s actually very simple: to be a relationship expert, all you need to do is master your relationship with yourself.
It’s time to claim that superpower you’ve had all along: your relationship expertise
Humans are relational beings. It’s only by seeing our own reflection in the eyes of other people that we really understand ourselves.
These reflections show the best and the worst of human nature. As a therapist, it’s your job to help people better discern how they see themselves and the relationships that matter to them.
With all that reflecting going on, it’s essential that you explore and feel fully secure in the most fundamental relationship you’ll ever have:
Your relationship with yourself.
When you master this relationship, it becomes essential to your work. It becomes a solid foundation. It becomes the source of your expertise.
It becomes your superpower.
When you can see yourself clearly, and you’re not clouded by your own self consciousness and doubt, you can see your clients more clearly. You can support their relational shifts when you stand securely rooted in yourself.
Connectfulness is a practice of rooting in, seeing and connecting with yourself and, by extension, your clients and all the people in your life.
And this is the superpower from which all your client’s relational shifts will also take root. It begins with honing your superpower and connecting to yourself
Your success as a therapist grows from your connected relationship with YOU...from your connectfulness practice.
In your professional training, you - like most therapists - were taught to be cautious and analytical of your feelings, reactions. You were encouraged to take yourSELF out of the equation.
You were taught to translate, to reflect, to referee, to reformulate… but were you taught how to really use yourself as a relational tool?
Ever since you set up your own private practice, you’ve been preoccupied with holding space for your clients and their relationships. You’ve never had a chance to master something even more elemental - your relationship with yourself (aka: your superpower!).
This is your invitation to tune into your instincts, your needs, your insights - and grow exponentially.
When you connect to yourself, to your gut instincts, and to your own rich experiences, you show up in a connectful way.
Your clients, your practice, and your personal relationships sustain renewed abundance to thrive when you are fully present in all of your unique humanity - in all of your YOUness.
What would happen if you explored the role YOU play in your clients’ process? What if you learned to value and use your own humanness when it seeps into sessions?
What if you explored the big questions like “What do you keep coming up against that makes you feel like a fraud?” And the parts of yourself that you keep pushing away. The parts of you that seem like they don’t belong in the head of a therapist who is supposed to have it all figured out.
This direct, honest appraisal of access that most valuable tool: your expertise, your knowledge of relationships that you see from within you.
Yet, when you keep pushing this part of you away, you lose touch with your most valuable tool, your expertise, your knowledge of relationships that you see from within you. Your superpower.
And here is the most fascinating thing I have found...
That place where we rub up against our feelings of fraud/insecurities are exactly where we have opportunities to grow. That fear of being exposed/being a fraud often shows up just as you step onto the precarious growth edge. When you can learn to navigate these edges, your confidence grows.
When that happens, even the little mistakes we all make from time to time, your human side, will become valuable clinical moments. Because you’ll know it’s not being perfect that matters. It’s being another human in the room. It’s being able to model flexibility and resilience.
That’s what we know to be powerful about our work. It’s not the interventions we choose to use or the latest empirical findings, it’s the power of relationship.
Slow down and tune into the fears, insecurities, triumphs and the humanness of both yourself and your clients. It's when you do, that the relationships you're so busy building will become more grounded in your YOUness (which incidentally will also become your branding).